Embracing Change in Midlife (And Creating a Life You Love)
Picture this: a jungle retreat in Costa Rica. Eight women. Two women leaders. Hot, humid air. Deafening cicadas. White-faced monkeys swinging through the trees.🐒
Surfing isn’t on the retreat schedule, but one brave woman asks if it’s possible.
The answer: YES!
And before my rational brain can intervene, I declare, “I’m in.” 🫣
Because when in Rome… you do what the Romans do.
And in Costa Rica? You surf.
Funny irony. Pisces is my sun sign in astrology. Dreamy. Intuitive. Emotional. Symbolized by two fish swimming between fantasy and reality. Pisces is a water sign. 🌊
And yet, I don’t actually like being in water.
Cold water? No, thank you.
Deep water? Hard pass.
Wet swimsuit lingering on my body? Absolutely not.
So saying yes to surfing feels equal parts terrifying and thrilling. And because I highly value growth (shocking), I decide a personal growth retreat is the perfect place to face something that scares me.
FEAR can mean False Evidence Appearing Real or… Face Everything And Rise.
And with surfing..
Feel Everything And Ride. 🏄🏽♀️ 😁
As the saying goes…
On the other side of fear is the life that’s always been waiting for you. ☀️
✦ Trusting Yourself in Midlife — Even When You’re Afraid
We walk into the surf shop, and the first thing I see is a framed picture of Jesus.
In a white robe.
Surfing!
I burst out laughing. “Well, I’m gonna live. Jesus is here.”
Gonzales — aka Gonzo — our instructor from Argentina — smiles calmly and says, “Of course, Jesus is here.” Reassurance for a moment.
We head to the beach for our dry-land lesson, boards tucked under our arms, my heart beating faster than I want it to.
On the sand, Gonzo walks us through everything that could go wrong. How to fall. How to protect your head if the board flips. How to swim out of a rip tide.
My mind? Spins. 😵💫
I find myself cataloging potential disasters. At one point, I let out a playful shriek just to release the tension. Yep. The deep, emotional, slightly dramatic Pisces officially arrives.
Gonzo turns to my retreat partner and says, “I like her.”
We all laugh.
And then… we walk into the water. 😳
I brace for the cold. Instead, the ocean greets me with bathwater warmth. Relief. We carry our boards farther out, sand shifting under our feet, waves rolling toward us in their steady rhythm.
Gonzo has a system of gradual advancement. At first, he paddles behind us, steadying the board. Then, little by little, he lets us go unassisted.
I fully expect to “grin and bear” this entire lesson — falling and swallowing salt water — I’m not even sure I’ll stand up once.
The first wave comes.
“Paddle! Paddle! Paddle!”
I paddle like everything depends on it.
And then… I stand up.
On the first try. 😅
Here I am.
Feeling it all.
Laughing.
Pure childhood joy! 🌈 🤸🏿♀️
With each ride, Gonzo offers a small refinement. Shift your weight. Bend your knees. Look forward. At one point, smiling, I say, “This surfing experience is healing my fear of water.” He pauses. “I used to be afraid of water too,” then he adds:
“Now… I am water.”
He gives my board a gentle push.
“And so are you.”
And off I go, whispering to myself:
“I. Am. Water.”
✦ How Fear Blocks Personal Growth in Midlife
Immediately after Gonzo says, “Now… I am water,” a profound insight hits:
Fear creates separation.
When you’re afraid, you pull back. You create space. You make the thing “other.” And that makes sense. Distance feels like control, and control feels like safety.
Fear can look like scrolling, postponing, or “I’ll deal with that later.”
For example:
🤫 Silencing the truth you’re afraid might rock the boat.
✨ Shrinking the bold, radiant parts of yourself.
💭 Second-guessing the decision your gut already made.
📱 Numbing discomfort with distraction.
🪞 Judging your body for evolving instead of celebrating its wisdom.
Somewhere in this season of your 40s, 50s, 60s, you’re likely standing on a shore. Quietly. Arms crossed. Heart guarded. Waiting for certainty before you step forward.
What if the wave in front of you isn’t here to knock you down? It’s here to teach you how to stand even stronger with love.💗
Fear says: protect yourself.
Love says: move toward.
Fear divides.
Love unifies.
Fear cancels the hard conversation.
Love starts it gently.
Fear shrinks your voice.
Love lets it be heard.
Fear scrolls.
Love puts the phone down and feels.
What would it look like to feel everything and ride with even more love? 🌱
Not perfectly. Not without wobbling. Not recklessly or without boundaries.
Instead, with curiosity. Softness. And the quiet knowing that you might be far more capable than you’ve given yourself credit for. ☺️
✦ Why Personal Growth in Midlife Requires Safety Before Courage
Change can’t happen in a state of fear.
Growth requires safety. 😌
On the same retreat, we enter a Temazcal — a dark, enclosed sweat lodge representing Mother Earth’s womb — for physical, mental, and spiritual cleansing. The air is hot and thick.
Before we begin, the guide says anyone who feels nervous can enter last, so they’re closest to the door.
One woman attendee hangs back.
When it’s her turn to enter, she peeks her head inside and gently shakes her head toward our retreat leaders. “I’m out.” Too much.
Instead of pushing her forward, the guide listens, reassures her, and reminds her: “You can leave at any time.” That’s it. She enters. She stays. Apparently, an exit strategy is all it takes. 😉
After she finishes all four rounds of the ceremony, she laughs, “Is that it?”
When you feel supported, your nervous system relaxes. And when your nervous system relaxes, you stop bracing. You stay present. You soften. You grow. 🌱
In both the ocean and the sweat lodge, safety came first — and growth followed.
Whether it’s a hard conversation, a business pivot, an aging body, or a new identity forming in midlife… Fear doesn’t have to disappear. You just have to feel safe enough to stay present with it.
Feel the fear —
Flow with faith. 🌊✨
Maybe life’s not on the shore.
Maybe it’s in the water.
And maybe…
You are water.
Meaning: the change in front of you isn’t the enemy. It’s not separate from you. The hard conversation. The aging body. The new version of you emerging.
It’s not here to drown you.
It’s here to shape you with love.
Love flows. ✨
When you allow love to flow, that’s when fear loosens its grip… and love takes the lead.
And on the other side of fear is the life that’s been quietly waiting for you.
The one that feels more like you.
With love — you’ve got this.
xo,
Dr. Sue
P.S. Growth feels different when you’re supported. That’s the heart of the Soulfull Tarot Numerology Hour — a safe space to reflect, ask the questions you’ve been quietly carrying, and move toward change without pressure or force.
If midlife is asking something new of you, don’t navigate it alone. I’d love to walk that path with you — because healing doesn’t have to be heavy… it can be playful, expansive, and even fun. 🏄🏽♀️☀️
