The Truth About Perfect Mom Life No One Tells You
This week, my husband and I moved two of our daughters into college. 🌱🌿
One is finishing her last year. The other is just starting her first. Endings and beginnings, all at once.
With our oldest, the drop-off was… well, easy. No tears. No big drama. We’ve been through her move-in before — between college, studying abroad, and interning in Manhattan — her coming and going has become our new normal.
Our middle daughter, though? Whole different story.
She’s just starting out — dorm life, dining halls, late-night study sessions (and probably other late-night shenanigans 😉), new friends, first tastes of freedom — and that means we’re starting out too, in a new rhythm for our family. And it feels like a giant, gaping hole in our hearts.
Funny how this is exactly what we want for her: independence, joy, adventure, freedom. And yet… knowing that doesn’t erase the ache of it.
Ah, the paradox of mom life! Holding on and letting go, bursting with pride while your heart cracks open a little wider.
The one thing I’m sure of? Our girls are ready for this next chapter. Not because I succeeded at being “Supermom.” But because I failed at it — spectacularly. 🤯
✦ 11 Ways Perfectionism Can Mess With Your Family
Failing at being Supermom might be the best gift I’ve ever given my children. I didn’t know that on day one, though…
Maybe you, like me, started mom life thinking perfection was the goal.
✨ Homemade meals, freshly baked cookies, showing up in all the “right” ways… and on some level, it seems to make sense: the “Perfect Mom” creates a life for her kids that’s perfect for them.✨
I thought being the “Perfect Mom” would prove my love. (Spoiler: it didn’t. It only proved how good I was at performing.)
Perfection doesn’t give your kids real love — only a hollowed-out illusion of it.
And while you’re busy squeezing into the itchy cape and tights of Supermom, perfection quietly hijacks your time, energy, and joy. Worse, it steals from your kids too — robbing them of the authentic connection they need most.
✦ First, the reality check: your kids are going to experience the full spectrum of life. Among the cuddles, wins, and squeals of glee, there will also be disappointments, fears, scraped knees, and embarrassing moments.
If you’re preoccupied being Perfect Supermom, you might miss what’s right in front of you — an opportunity to model healthy emotional processing. A chance to show them how to navigate challenges with grace and love.
Showing kids that every feeling is valid — and letting them see you process emotions in healthy ways — is a gift that serves them for life. Sounds a lot better than accidentally teaching them to shove down every “negative” emotion or believe their flaws somehow make them unworthy. 🙃
✦ Second, think of the hours lost to “perfect” skin, “perfect” meals, “perfect” performance at work or school. How different would life feel if even a fraction of that energy went into connection instead? Into laughing, snuggling, resting, walking in nature, enjoying the little things?
Moments of authentic connection are easy to lose when spotless counters, curated outfits, or a color-coded refrigerator take precedence.
And the side effects of perfectionism?
They read like the tail end of a prescription drug commercial nobody would ever sign up for:
🤦🏼♀️ Self-criticism
🐌 Procrastination
😱 Fear
😴 Disrupted sleep
🥱 Exhaustion
🪑 Loneliness
😡 Anger
😢 Sadness
💭 Unrealistic expectations
What perfectionism really delivers isn’t love — it’s mom guilt. That constant whisper: you’re never enough, no matter how much you do.
Truth is, there’s no such thing as perfect parenting or perfect childhoods. But there is such a thing as showing up as your authentic self — letting go of the cape, and loving your kids (and yourself) through every situation. Showing them it’s not only okay to be imperfect, but it’s possible to navigate life’s swells with awareness, support, humor, and love.
The beauty of letting go of Supermom Status is real.
✦ The Truth About Perfect No One Tells You
Funny thing is… despite what you may have heard, perfection is possible — but she comes with some serious flaws.
Flaw #1: Perfection is momentary and subjective.
Your 1990’s prom look? 👗 Perfect — in your opinion, at that moment in time. But wear it every day for the rest of your life? Uh… where’s the emergency exit?! 😂
See how that works? Perfection can shine in a single moment, but try to hold onto her and she drains the joy right out of life.
Flaw #2: Perfectionism masquerades as high standards — but the two couldn’t be more different.
✨ High standards are love-based. They flow from care, thoughtfulness, and kindness.
😬 Perfectionism is fear-based. She’s born of worry, endless “what if” scenarios, and desperate attempts to avoid failure or rejection.
As critically acclaimed author Elizabeth Gilbert puts it: “Perfectionism is just fear in fancy shoes and a mink coat, pretending to be elegant when actually it’s just terrified.” 🫣
If you’ve been clinging to Supermom stress, know this: perfectionism is sneaky. She disguises herself as a protective shield, a way to avoid rejection, failure, and pain. When in truth, perfection creates distance, loneliness, and exhaustion. Oof!
Wanna know another truth? You’re lovable exactly as you are — no cape required. 💖✨
✦ When The Truth Really Does Set You Free
When my daughters were little, it was scary to let go of perfectionism — to show my true colors.
😳 To admit I don’t love cooking. That meal planning feels like punishment. That volunteering at school just wasn’t my thing. That I don’t enjoy swimming, baking, or messy crafts. That my floors will never be white-glove clean (not even close). That cheering at sports games isn’t anywhere near my favorite way to spend a Saturday.
For years, I thought those “flaws” made me a less great mom. But then, slowly, I started confessing — being real about who I was and who I wasn’t. And to my surprise, those moments of honesty didn’t bring pain or disappointment. They opened a doorway to something better.
When you loosen perfection’s grip, authenticity slips in.
✧ Instead of baking the cookies, I cheered them on while they baked.
✧ Instead of volunteering from guilt, I said, “Yes!” when I truly meant it.
✧ Instead of pasting on a smile at every game, I celebrated the ones that mattered most.
When I swapped perfectionism for authenticity, it turned out my kids didn’t see me as “less than.” They saw me as real — as a woman who valued her family and herself. Because it never had to be one or the other. With authenticity, it could be both.
Since we’re on the honesty train, my perfectionism hasn’t vanished overnight. But I’ve let that be okay. (Uh, hello — trying to be perfect at not being perfect?! 😂) So, every time perfectionism tugs on me with “you’re not enough,” I let go again. And again. And again.
Over time, that practice has made me stronger, happier, calmer, and more connected. And that’s the mom I want to be for my girls. 💖
✦ Why Your Authentic Self Is Your Real Superpower
Eventually, I learned my daughters don’t need me flying around like a superhero, distracted by trying to be some “Perfect Mom” — they benefit more from a mom who’s present, genuine, and strong. A mom who laughs when dinner burns, apologizes when she overreacts, and loves them enough to be honest.
The opposite of perfect isn’t flawed — it’s free. The freedom to be yourself and actually enjoy it.
And here’s the best part: when you live free, your kids get to live free too. They no longer inherit guilt, fear, or the belief they must pretend to be something they’re not to feel worthy and loved. Instead, they inherit the gift perfectionism can never give them — authentic connection.
The real superpower of mom life isn’t doing it all, or doing it all perfectly. It’s being fully yourself — and showing your kids they’re loved fully as themselves in the process.
✦ Okay, for real though: how did I actually stop perfectionism in its tracks after years of gripping the belief that the “Perfect Supermom” in my head was the only option good enough for my family?
That’s where a few simple, soul-shifting questions come in…
⬆️ 🎉 Become a paid subscriber & get all six journal prompts designed to help you finally drop perfectionism — and open the door to freedom, joy, connection, and the high-vibe authentic truth your family really deserves.
Because Trying to Be Perfect is Exhausting and You’re Ready to Get More Than Five Hours of Stress Sleep a Night, Thank You Very Much! 😉
At the end of the day, your loved ones don’t want a watered-down, stressed-out, filtered version of you. They just want you. Imperfect, flawed, lovable, YOU.
✦ 6 Questions to Your Most Authentic Mom Life
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