Letting Go with Love: What My Dad’s Death Taught Me About Life

Recently, my Dad passed peacefully in his sleep, at home beside his bride of 69 years — just as he wished. But the path to get there was anything but straight — full of hesitancy and hard choices.

From lonely hospitalization lows to comeback highs with friends and family, the journey was messy, uncertain, and sacred.

Through it all, I kept returning to the soul-centering wisdom of an absolutely life-changing book a colleague recommended years ago: Atul Gawande’s Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End.

The book became a guiding light — helping my family honor my Dad’s wishes, walk beside him in grace and dignity, and, when the time was right, say yes to the comfort of hospice – the final step before fully letting go.🪽

The wisdom of that book didn’t just live on the page — it came alive as I watched my Dad experience his end-of-life journey, courageously facing challenges, loving without limits, and trusting in the divine timing of life. It was as if he were teaching a masterclass in being joyful during life’s most sacred transition.

As Dad closed his journey here on Earth, one striking truth revealed itself: though death is unpredictable, your influence over your story remains, even at the very end.

No matter what unfolds, you hold the power to shape your story with love. 🕊️

 

✦ Embracing Life’s Final Sacred Chapter for Those You Love

Since earning my medical degree almost three decades ago (time flies SO FAST! 😳), I’ve seen medicine advance in astonishing ways. Yet, what medicine can do and what it should do in the natural processes of aging and dying can often differ.

Atul Gawande’s incredible book, Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End, offers a stunning reminder that aging and dying aren’t medical problems to be “fixed” 🚫🩺 — they’re natural transitions; sacred chapters in your life’s story. 📖

Reading Being Mortal alongside my Dad’s journey reminded me that we have far more influence than we realize — not over whether death comes, but over how that chapter unfolds. For me, the key takeaways are these:

✧ CHOOSING HOW AN END-OF-LIFE JOURNEY CHAPTER UNFOLDS

❣️ What Matters Most Isn’t Always Medical Intervention
Just because medicine can extend life doesn’t mean it should.

True quality of life comes from honoring an individual’s values, wishes, and goals — not simply prolonging time or prioritizing safety.

Dad faced moments where yet another hospitalization was possible, even likely. But what he wanted wasn’t more machines or procedures — it was to be home, surrounded by love. 🥰

🫶🏾 Open Conversations Are Essential
Discussing aging, illness, and end-of-life preferences may feel uncomfortable, but letting go of silence and choosing instead to open a door to communication can create peace and profound relief.

When your loved one names what matters most to them, the weight of uncertainty you’d been carrying lifts. Decisions become guided by what your loved one wants — not by default medical treatments or other people’s opinions, preferences, or desires.

At first, Dad resisted talking about palliative care and hospice. It felt too final, too heavy. But as the end came nearer, communicating his wishes — such as no more hospital and more time at home — gave the gift of clarity. His voice lit the way. ✨

😇 Letting Go of Control Invites In Grace
While it’s natural to crave control over life’s outcomes, end-of-life journeys invite you to let go and trust.

Leaning into faith and accepting what is, rather than wishing things were different, can soften the edges of fear. In this way, your loved ones — and you — can build a path to peace about life’s final transition.

For months, Dad wasn’t ready to cross into hospice. So palliative care was chosen as the in-between — a bridge to even greater comfort. As a family, we walked that bridge with him, ensuring he got space and time to accept where he was and where he was heading.

When, in this last week of life, he finally said yes to hospice, it felt like grace herself was opening the door to his peaceful passing. 😌

🌈 Joy Can Coexist With Painful Moments
Illness and dying can be profoundly sad yet still hold joy — like in the laughter shared over sweet memories, tender times of hand-holding, and the quiet presence of caregivers who truly care.

Allowing joy into grief isn’t about avoiding pain but about weaving love, gratitude, and connection into as many moments as you can. It’s okay that among the thorns of sorrow, distress, and worry, you feel the joy of the petal, too.

For Dad, there was laughter alongside tears, shared glances that spoke more than words, and the kind of shared, messy crying only deep love makes possible.

The gentle presence of nurses who became like family was a blessing beyond measure. And in those final days, grief and joy wove together — not as opposites, but as companions on the same sacred path. 💕

In the end, my Dad’s yes to hospice meant he could spend his last days at home, in his own bed, beside my Mom. He slipped away peacefully in his sleep, just as he had hoped — leaving the legacy of his faithful living, often summed up in a gentle reminder he often spoke: ‘It’s in God’s hands.’

The truth Dad left with me, that I now give to you, is that dying joyfully isn’t about fighting for more time you don’t have; it’s about living faithfully in the time you do have. 😇

 

✦ Turning the Lessons of Letting Go Toward Life Now

Walking through my Dad’s final chapter with him and my family reminded me: these aren’t just lessons for the end of life — they’re deeply relevant for living through midlife, too. 😌✨

Dad’s journey became a mirror, showing me how the same truths that shaped his peaceful passing can also ease stress and open up more joy right here, right now.

What Matters Most In Midlife Isn’t Always “Fixing” Things ❣️

Where are you chasing fixes — overworking, over-scheduling, over-helping — that don’t actually bring you peace?

Healing begins the moment the “shoulds” fall away, and your soul can breathe again.

🫶🏾 Open Conversations Are Essential In Midlife

Where are you biting your tongue out of fear?

Hard conversations — with your spouse, kids, or even yourself — create freedom. When you speak your truth with love, you open the door to peace. (For a masterclass on the exact steps to talk about hard things with loving courage, attend the celebrated Connected Conversations Workshop! 💖)

😇 Letting Go Of Control In Midlife Invites Grace In

Where are you still clinging for control — your kids’ choices, your partner’s moods, your body’s changes? What if you loosened your grip and trusted the rhythm of life?

Grace isn’t hiding; she’s standing by, waiting for you to let go.

🌈 Joy Exists, Even In The Most Challenging Midlife Moments

Where could you let joy and grief sit side by side, instead of waiting for life to “settle down” before you allow yourself to feel happiness again?

Even in life’s hardest seasons, joy has a way of shining through — let it.

 

If you’re struggling with the loss of a loved one, know I’m walking that path right alongside you. You’re loved, strong, and doing great.

What you’re experiencing requires incredible faith. 🌱🦋

And truly, no matter how it feels from moment to moment —
I think we’ve got this.